Guilt
by hannefm
Summary: A Royai one shot, set after the Promised Day. A blind Roy wakes from a nightmare in his hospital bed and Hawkeye feels guilty about what happened that day. Mild angst.


**A.N**

So this is my first attempt at fanfiction. I've read a lot but haven't practised creative writing in a few years, so any feedback would be great- constructive or otherwise.

I love royai and even though I know there are tonnes of these types of fics I wanted to try writing my own interpretation from Roy's point of view.

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><p>I was by her side watching as the blood spilled from her neck.<p>

_No. Not another one. Not her. _

I gripped her tight whilst trying to think of what to do. I internally cursed myself for not knowing any medical alchemy. "Come on stay with me! Lieutenant open your eyes!" It was ridiculous of me to think that I could simply command her to stay alive but Hawkeye has a habit of following orders. Her eyes screwed together as she grimaced in pain. There wasn't much time left. "Lieutenant!" I shouted as I gently tried to shake her awake. It was of no use. I looked up, rapidly searching around the room for help but none was there. Realisation hit me. I was going to lose her. Just as I'd lost Hughes. An overwhelming fear of being alone, of being without _her, _washed over me."Riza, please." I choked out. "Don't go."

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><p>I felt as though I had been plunged into darkness when I opened my eyes. My blindness did not help the still lingering fear from the nightmare. Lying there, I reflected on the twisted reality that my mind tormented me with. She so nearly died. Riza Hawkeye. My childhood companion. My Lieutenant. My <em>best friend<em>. She almost bled out right before my eyes, becoming cold as she went limp in my arms.

I shuffled in my hospital bed, shifting into a sitting position and wincing at the pain in my hands. Once seated I instinctively moved my non-existent gaze to where she should be sleeping. I wish I could see for myself if she were there. Perhaps I could reach out to her or call to her just to assure my restless mind that she was still here. However her hushed voice broke my thoughts.

"Sir?"  
>"Hawkeye, sorry did I wake you? "<br>"No. I couldn't sleep. You seem uneasy sir, are you okay?"

I could have been honest with her. I could have explained that I couldn't stop thinking about what would have happened if Mei Chang had not been present that day. But she didn't need anything else to worry about.

"I am fine Lieutenant, I guess I'm just not used to opening my eyes and seeing nothing."  
>"I'm sorry sir."<p>

She said it with a despairing tone and I knew immediately that this 'sorry' was not that of a person sympathising for a blind man, but rather that of someone who was apologising for something they had done wrong. I could tell from her voice that she felt responsible for the loss of my eyesight.

I gave a faint smile. "There's nothing to be sorry about Lieutenant."  
>"But Colonel, I was unable to fulfill my duties as – "<br>"Your injuries were far worse than mine, you nearly died!"  
>"But I didn't, and now I'm fine. But you, your eyes…"<p>

The guilt in her voice broke my heart. She needed to understand that I would never blame her for what happened. I swung my legs over the side of the bed and slowly stood up, before taking a slow step towards her. I heard her stand and move towards me as I did so, knowing that she wanted to assist me in walking. Ever since I tripped over the visitor's chair two days ago she insists that someone help me move around.

She grabbed a hold of my arm, making sure I was well balanced. I reached my hand over to her shoulder. I traced the scar across her neck with my thumb, staring at it with my unseeing eyes. I spoke reassuringly to her.

"You should know that I would never blame you for something like that. You are the best body guard I've ever seen and you protect me better than any other person could. If it weren't for you I'd have died years ago."

There was a moments silence before I decided to continue. This time, my voice was not as strong due to the fear forcing its way into my words.

"I nearly lost you, and you think I'm worried about my eyes. My eyes which will be healed in three days anyway."

"Colonel…"

She did not sound convinced but I continued regardless. I moved my hand up to her face so that I could pretend to look into her eyes. One day I would be able to see those hazel eyes again but for now I would settle for this.

"Never leave my side Lieutenant. _Please._"  
>"I've told you before sir – "<p>

I cut her off by pulling her into an embrace.

"I know, but I can't bear the thought of losing you. I _need _you Hawkeye."

She returned the embrace, wrapping her arms around my back and moving her hands to my shoulders. We held each other tightly before she whispered,

"And I need you."


End file.
